|
Shame is one
of the most powerful feelings
controling human behaviour (motivate).
It regulates ( partially due to social pressure in terms of
adaptation) living together and avoids isolation of members of a
community. Who feels rejected (not loved, not wanted or isolated), often
reacts by shameful behaviour. Shame is often connected with the experience
being different from others (to differ from the “standard”). He would
rather hide and he often blushes. For fear of being rejected (once more),
the person concerned often becomes distant which could lead to social
phobia in the extreme case. Concerning illnesses like (eating disorder,
depression, addictive drugs, narcissistic personality disorders,
hypochondria, compulsion disorders, Dysmorphophobia), shame often plays a
central part. At the same time the mentioned illnesses are typical “masks
of shame”.
At least
there are two forms of shame: one serves the social adaptation, the other
the development of individuality and the maintenance of one’s personal
integrity. Shame can be seen as a warning signal. It makes us clear that
our concepts and interpretations as we see the world, others and ourselves
do not correspond with our present experiences. (e.g. if you laugh at a
supposed funny scene whereas there is awkward silent.) This situation will
probably cause shame. Shame can as well be interpreted as a “prickle”
which motivates us to update our concepts and to develop a different kind
of dealing with reality (Therefore, shame to some extend can be very good
for creativity!) Shame can be very sobering: It can snatch us from our
instinctive sureness. Shame and its counterpart pride serves to keep and
regulate the contact (nearness, distance) to others. Some describe shame
as a point of intersection between ourselves and the others.
Similar to
fear, shame is one of the emotions which can be found in the animal
kingdom. E.g. If a defeated animal “put one’s tail between one’s leg and
creeps away with one’s head bowed”, this reaction reminds us of human
behaviour. Shame can be experienced as very painful (“awkwardness”). By
putting someone to shame, denunciation or humiliation some make use of the
effect of shame in order to force somebody to do certain behaviour resp.
to dominate someone. Shame guards our human dignity (value). It protects
us from degrading behaviour and situation.
Shame is a
feeling which has a lot to do with self-knowledge (self-observation,
self-confidence, self-esteem), (without shame there is possibly no
self-confidence and thus no human mind). Processes in connection with
shame creates individuality. They show clearly the difference to other
human beings and with that they are good for feeling one’s own identity.
The biblical story of the expulsion from paradise describes this
experience symbolically: Adam and Eve agree with the universe and they did
not feel ashamed for being naked. Only then when they ate an apple from
the tree of knowledge, although it is forbidden, they detected the
difference between good and evil. At the same time they became aware of
their nakedness. They felt ashamed, made a loincloth and hid from God who
finally drove them out of the paradise. This “history of the human race”
explains to us that shame begins by experiencing weakness ( not being led
into temptation, not to satisfy ideals). It helps to perceive differences
(e.g. good and evil) and to be aware of one’s own person (e.g. nakedness).
It motivates in respect of creative work ( the making of a loincloth), but
also it motivates in order to hide oneself. Not at least shame has got to
do with subjugation and punishment ( explained by the expulsion from
paradise).
Shame is nothing pathological. On the
contrary: In a moderate scale it supports the ability to put oneself in
someone’s place and to feel what he might feel. It only turns into illness
when there is a lack of shame or if there is an excess. Like many
phenomenon, it depends on an optimum and not on an maximum or minimum. If
you feel too much ashamed, is often unable to bear noticed difference. The
person concerned has a lack of proud concerning his peculiarity. Shame can
be seen as an expression of being unable to experience oneself as
self-confident and therefore detached from the rest of the world and at
the same time.
|
